Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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