So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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