I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
