I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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