she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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