ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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