You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
