see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Randomize