Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
