It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
