I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
