This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
