Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
