the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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