yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I want you more than these girls want KFC
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
