Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
