Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
