he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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