..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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