I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
