Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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