"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
