you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
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