We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
