About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
