don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
