Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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