What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
