I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
