Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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