onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Randomize
