If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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