I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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