I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
You took a bar mat shot.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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