he shaved USA in his pubs
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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