Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
