The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
is wine microwaveable?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
