Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
The ass gains better be worth it
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