I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
