First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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