You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Randomize
