Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
