i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
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I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
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Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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