He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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