Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
