Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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