Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
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