She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
