Who did Billy Mays play for?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
