Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
