Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
