Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
