During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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