oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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