She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
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