that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Randomize
