he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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