New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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