1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Small penises have feelings too.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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