The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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