If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Randomize
