you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
