omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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