i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I could have mohawked her pubes.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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