There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance