I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky