There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.