its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
