is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Randomize
