I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
