Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
