You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
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