I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Randomize
