i may or may not be watching the land before time
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'm experimenting with sincerity
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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