you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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