Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
