Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
