You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
