i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Randomize
