i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
